Your girl group split up, and the squad just isn’t the same anymore. Two of your good friends are on the outs, and it doesn’t look like a reconciliation is near. You are feeling stuck in the middle and want to remain friends with both of your girls. Their argument feels more like a personality clash and although you understand both sides, it doesn’t seem like a reason to choose one friend over the other.
Is it possible to be a true friend to both parties? Yes, it is! All of your friends aren’t friends, right? Think of the situation in these terms. Here are a few guidelines to help:
Be Honest & Upfront With Both Friends
Honesty will forever and always be the best policy. It’s okay to be a listening ear to both friends, and even help them talk through the situation. It is however important to be upfront and honest that you plan to remain friends with each of them, and outline your expectation that neither one of them would try to make you choose a side. Set ground rules from the beginning that you won’t participate nor do you want to hear any bashing of the other friend. Make sure to stick to this, even if one friend makes you upset. Never choose the other friend as the one you vent to – you already know their opinion will be biased.
You Don’t Always Have to Be Neutral
Being a good friend, sometimes means politely calling out someone for the things they are doing. If one or both friends behavior gets out of line, it’s okay to say something about it. It doesn’t make you any less of a friend to either.
Don’t Share Trusted Information
The moment these two stop being friends, it’s time to zip it on personal information.This might be an adjustment, but it’s critical to remember. You don’t want to lose either friend’s trust. Also don’t be tempted to run between the two with what the other one said about them. You’re trying to get out of the middle, remember?
Invite Both to Events
If you have an upcoming celebratory event (i.e your birthday) you would want to extend an invitation to both parties. It would be either of their decision whether they choose to attend or not. Make sure to give a heads up to each that they are both invited. It goes without saying, but everyone is expected to be an adult at the event. If you’re having a formal dinner, try not to sit the two next two each other, but otherwise they should be able to conduct themselves as adults and be cordial.
Avoid inviting both to more casual events like a girl’s night out. It can be difficult to decide who to make plans with or how to split your time. A good rule of thumb is sticking with interests. If one friend is more of a social person then it would make sense to invite her out for drinks at the bar. When you make plans, make sure you stick to them. Don’t change your plans for the other friend even if they sound more enticing. Essentially, show the same respect you would always show.
Don’t Force a Reunion
Maybe this friendship will mend one day, maybe it won’t. It’s okay to want to help both parties resolve their issues, but if it comes to a point where it is clear the relationship needs to be paused, don’t force anything. Let these two adults work out their own issues on their own time.
What happens if time goes by and you decide that you actually need to end one of these friendships? We’ll cover this in an upcoming post!
We’d love to hear how you have dealt with being in the middle of two friends before. Comment below.